


Brown Eyed Girl

by addledwalrus



Category: Original Work
Genre: 1950s, 1960s, Abusive Parents, Abusive Relationships, Adolescent Sexuality, Advice, Affection, Aging, Angels, Angst, Anxiety, Apples, Attraction, Bad Parenting, Bathing/Washing, Beaches, Bedrooms, Beds, Biblical References, Biblical Reinterpretation, Bigotry & Prejudice, Birth Control, Boarding School, Body Image, Boyfriends, Break Up, Car Accidents, Car Sex, Cars, Celebrity Crush, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Childhood, Children, Chivalry, Christmas, Class Differences, College, Coming of Age, Concerts, Confusion, Control Issues, Costumes, Crush at First Sight, Crying, Cultural Differences, Cultural References, Dating, Day At The Beach, Daydreaming, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Depression, Desire, Developing Relationship, Diary/Journal, Distrust, Drama, Dreams, Dreams vs. Reality, Driving, Dubious Consent, Embarrassment, Emotional Infidelity, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Exhaustion, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Dynamics, Fans, Fantasizing, Fashion & Couture, Father-Daughter Relationship, Feelings, Female Friendship, Female Gaze, Female Protagonist, Feminist Themes, Financial Issues, Fireplaces, First Crush, First Dates, First Kiss, First Meetings, Flirting, Fondling, Forbidden Love, Foreshadowing, Friendship, Fruit, Fun, Games, Gardens & Gardening, Gen, Gender Issues, Gender Roles, Generation Gap, Gentle Kissing, Glasses, Gods, Greasers, Grief/Mourning, Grooming, Growing Up, Growth, Heartache, Heartbreak, High School, Higher Education, Historical, Historical References, Humiliation, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Innocence, Innuendo, Insecurity, Inspired by Music, Inspired by Romeo and Juliet, Internal Conflict, Internalized Misogyny, Intimacy, Invasion of Privacy, Italian-American Character, Jealousy, Kissing, Lady and the Tramp (1955) References, Lies, Loss of Innocence, Loss of Trust, Loss of Virginity, Love, Love at First Sight, Loyalty, Lust, Makeover, Making Love, Menstruation, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mild Sexual Content, Mischief, Misunderstandings, Modeling, Moral Dilemmas, Moral Lessons, Morality, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Mother-Son Relationship, Mutual Pining, Mutually Unrequited, Mythology References, Narcissism, Nature, Neglect, Nudity, Objectification, Obsessive Behavior, Paranoia, Parent-Child Relationship, Party Games, Partying, Passion, Period Typical Attitudes, Period-Typical Racism, Physical Abuse, Pining, Plans For The Future, Pop Culture, Puberty, Questions, References to the Beatles, Regret, Rejection, Relationship(s), Religious Content, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Revelations, Rock and Roll, Romance, Roommates, Sad, School, Secret Relationship, Secrets, Seduction, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Worth Issues, Senses, Sensuality, Sex, Sexual Content, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Humor, Sexual Tension, Sexuality, Sexuality Crisis, Sharing a Bed, Sleepiness, Sleeping Together, Slut Shaming, Smoking, Some Humor, Star-crossed, Students, Subtext, Sunglasses, Swimming, Symbolism, Teen Angst, Teenage Dorks, Teenage Rebellion, Teenagers, Television, Television Watching, Temptation, Tension, Time Skips, Touching, Toys, Undressing, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Crush, Vanity, Virginity, Walking In On Someone, Wanderlust, Watching Someone Sleep, Wishful Thinking, Worry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-05-21 09:06:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 11,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14912492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/addledwalrus/pseuds/addledwalrus
Summary: Patricia's life as a sheltered rich girl and eventual falling out with her parents.





	1. Life Could Be a Dream

_Dear Diary,_

_Daddy took us to see Lady and the Tramp today. The dog kissing was funny._

_Me and Daddy liked it but Mommy said it was scary._

_Good night, Patricia_

* * *

**1955**

"Birdie birdie in the sky, why'd you do that in my eye? Birdie birdie in the sky, gee, I'm glad that cows don't fly!" Patricia chanted brazenly, the hem of her dress bouncing as she played with a jump rope until her ankles were sore.

"Patricia, what did I tell you about running?" Her mother Irene scolded the moment that she came barging back into the house to do something more relaxing. "We can't have you bump into something and bruise that face."

"Sorry, ma..." Patricia apologized as she slowed down to a lazy shuffle, the sound of which tested Irene's patience.

" _Mother_. You must call me mother."

"Sorry, mother."

"Good. You may do as you please now."

Patricia smiled before trudging upstairs to her large bedroom, that contained a pretty bookshelf, dollhouse and countless other toys meant for young girls.

Pampered child that she was, none of these presents from her parents seemed interesting anymore. She travelled across the room instead and pulled open the bedside drawer, so that she could conjure up some lively melodrama with her numerous frilly socks.

* * *

John Beaumont surprised her and Irene with three tickets to see  _Lady and the Tramp_  upon returning home from work that night.

Patricia's excitement was so great that she simply couldn't keep still while asking her father for more information.

"How did you get them, Daddy? Did you pay a lot?"

"I bought them at the theater. They didn't cost much at all."

"Can...can we go tonight?!"

"Calm down, sweetie. Your mother's already made dinner, so we'll go tomorrow instead...right Irene?"

"Whatever you say, man of the house..." Irene replied with an irritated look on her face.

"Tomorrow it is, then." John announced with ease as he turned back to Patricia. "Remember, be an extra good girl and listen to your mother when she says you need a bath. Promise?"

"Promise." Patricia agreed while nodding. John smiled and extended his little finger so that they could make a pinky deal, a ritual that never failed to make Irene roll her eyes in disgust.

Once the good news was well and truly out of the way, Irene emphasized the need for them to say Grace like good Christians.

Patricia missed the cue to close her eyes and tried unsuccessfully to mumble along with her parents, before John gave permission for them to begin eating.

* * *

"Frightful movie. How could a fine lady fall in love with a mongrel and even bear his  _children_? I don't care if they were just dogs...it-" Irene ranted as she sat beside John and remained oblivious to Patricia's bewildered expression.

"Darling, you're being hysterical. It's a Disney film, it's pure fantasy."

"Fantasy? Think of all the children who will believe that it's acceptable!"

"Mother..." Patricia whimpered quietly, despite being unable to understand what her parents had said.

"Irene, look on the bright side. You need only read the news to know how badly such marriages end. Lady will most certainly learn a hard lesson..."


	2. Whatever Will Be Will Be

**1956**

"What in the heavens?" Irene muttered in alarm as she switched on the bedside lamp and found out that the silhouetted figure was just her daughter. "Patricia, why are you here?!"

Patricia simply gave a bashful little smile before she explained her reasons for sneaking into the room.

"It's really cold. Can I snuggle with you?"

Irene glared at the eight year old with tired eyes while thinking about how self-reliant she was at that age. It was clear that Patricia was a feeble being just like John but even so, she knew that telling the child to leave would be far too callous.

"Alright, darling. Come over here, but stay quiet. Understood?"

Patricia darted forward and climbed into bed with some effort. Irene gave a sigh before switching off the light and lying back down, only to be disrupted by an unexpected question.

"Mother, why are you so beautiful?" Patricia asked with infuriating innocence.

"There is no reason. I just am." Irene replied while rolling over.

"Am I beautiful?"

"No, you are not."

Patricia let out a dejected whimper, then proceeded to the next question.

"How about when I grow up?"

"Maybe..."

"Mother, who will I marry?"

"It's too early for that, darling. Would you please let me sleep?"

"But I want to know..."

"Can't you be quiet?"

"I want to be ready..."

"Alright!" Irene relented before sitting back up. "I'll tell you. He's rich, handsome, kind and intelligent! Does that make you happy?!"

Patricia didn't answer and instead spent the rest of the night lying in silence so as not to irritate her mother again.

* * *

There were several other children like Patricia whom lived nearby and according to John, this was a privilege he hadn't enjoyed in his younger years.

She joined a group of girls aged between seven and ten during the summer. They taught each other hand games, sang rhymes while playing with jump ropes and finally, all went back to a house of their choosing to wind down.

Irene was completely shocked the first time Patricia brought all of her new friends home. However, she had a change of heart upon studying each girl closely and judging them to all be from nice, respectable families.

 _"Thank Heavens. God knows what I'd do if one of those Italian or Hispanic children happened to wander in here. Right little pigs they are..."_ She thought with a pretentious smile on her face while pouring lemonade for everyone present.

Patricia soon received her fizzy drink and began to sip contently. The sugar rush reinvigorated her to the point that she couldn't help but remember a catchy jingle that had once featured in a commercial.


	3. My Special Angel

_Dear Diary,_

_I can't believe it. Mrs Muir chose me to be an angel in the school play! I'm so excited!_

_See you later, alligator!_

_Patricia_

* * *

**1957**

"Mother! Mother, I have some really good news!" Patricia squealed, unable to contain her excitement upon charging into the house to meet Irene, whom was busy enjoying a cigarette.

"Good news?" Irene remarked with intense annoyance as she lowered the cigarette and ground it against the dining table. "Do tell it to your mother..."

"We're going to have a Christmas play in thirty days and Mrs Muir picked me to be an angel!"

"What?!"

Irene dropped her cigarette on the floor in shock and immediately rose to come to terms with what Patricia had said.

"Is...is it good, mother?" Patricia asked, her voice dropping to a more tentative murmur in response to the cryptic expression forming on Irene's face.

"Of course, it is, darling!" Irene exclaimed as she put on a wide and charming smile. "Everyone's eyes will be on you, so we need to make sure that your performance is the very best!"

She wrapped Patricia in a tight hug for several moments and seemed oblivious to the nine-year old's whimpers of discomfort.

* * *

Both John and Nanny Doris tried to tell Irene that she was getting far too invested with a small role in a school play, but nothing could sway the woman from making Patricia look as good as possible.

"Why?! Why won't these stray hairs stay down?!" Irene fussed while scraping a comb against Patricia's scalp, despite the latter wincing in pain. "What will the audience think of an angel with untidy hair?!"

"Mother, stop. You're hurting my head..." Patricia protested as she struggled to take her eyes away from the mirror.

"Stay still, darling. We'll be finished in just a minute."

Patricia obeyed by doing her best to sit completely still so that Irene could finish fixing up her hair. Once the ordeal was over, Irene turned around to bark an order at Doris that the nanny frantically tried to fulfil.

"Doris, go fetch the little pair of white shoes I bought yesterday!"

"Yes, Mrs Beaumont!"

John was left alone to watch and shake his head in resignation at the sight of Irene dragging Patricia off the bathroom stool and stuffing her into the white dress that was a crucial part of the angel costume.

Irene spent an additional few seconds brushing Patricia's hair again, before Doris came rushing back with the shoes she'd promised.

"Here they are, Mrs Beaumont..."

"Thank you, Doris. Are they perfectly polished like I wanted?"

"Yes, Mrs Beaumont."

"Good. I knew I could rely on you...put them on my daughter's feet, please?"

Doris ignored Patricia's growing anxiety in lieu of making sure the shoes were on as tight as possible, so that any chance of them falling off would be exceptionally slim.

"Perfect. You'll be a perfect little angel..." Irene proclaimed, stepping back to look Patricia up and down like she was some finished product. "John, doesn't our daughter look wonderful?"

"Of course. She's as adorable as you are beautiful."

"Then, we're ready. Go start the car, we don't want to be late..."

John ran off as Irene bent down to whisper some final reminders to her now mortified daughter.

"No dust on those shoes until  _after_  we've left the hall. Smile and look like you're having a good time. Don't let the other two girls steal any attention from you. Understood?"

"Yes, mother..."

"Remember, I believe in you. Make us proud tonight."


	4. Everyday

_Dear Diary,  
_

_I think I am in love. Do you want to guess with whom?  
_

_...never mind, I'll tell you. I saw him singing on television and his name is Buddy Holly.  
_

_Mother says that he's not a real man, but I don't care. His smile makes me happy and I wish he would sing to me._

_Much love, Patricia_

* * *

**1958**

"Do...Doris, could you pass me the book on the dresser, please? I have to write in my diary every night..." Patricia pleaded hoarsely with her nanny while wriggling back down beneath the sheets after finishing a bowl of chicken soup.

"Why, I'd be glad to. Might I ask if I could take a peek inside?"

"No. It's a secret diary." Patricia said firmly, knowing that she'd die of embarrassment if any adult read her entries.

"I understand, I was just playing..."

Doris handed over the diary before passing her a pen as well. She gave the ten-year-old an affectionate smile, then left to signal the end of another paid work day.

Patricia smiled gladly despite her fever and began to write about the day's events on a new page, while telling herself that she would need to start hiding her diary somewhere inconspicuous.

* * *

The taste of a strawberry milkshake was still fresh in Patricia's memory as she reclined casually on the couch and swung her dangling legs around slowly. Irene sat in a nearby armchair, knitting a sweater while completely focused on the task.

Patricia spent the rare moment of peace and quiet by staring up at the ceiling until she felt a little dizzy. She rolled off the couch before landing clumsily upon the floor, which disrupted Irene and made the woman frown in exasperation.

"I have no time to tolerate you behaving like a dying fish. Go upstairs and read a book, or even watch some television if you absolutely must..."

Patricia chose the latter option and strode across the room to switch on the wooden box. A black and white broadcast flickered to life and she was soon jumping in excitement at the sight of a famous variety show host.

"Mother, it's Ed Sullivan! You and Daddy's favorite!"

The announcement of none other than Buddy Holly and the Crickets performing on the show a second time was too much for Patricia to handle. She squealed in joy as soon as they began to perform, much to Irene's complete horror.

_"Of all of the new 'rock and roll' singers, my daughter chooses this weak and stuttering buffoon to fawn over? It's time I taught her a thing or two about what makes a real man."_


	5. The Big Hurt

**1959**

"Irene, have you heard the news? A tragic event happened last night..." John began gravely while seated opposite his wife and indifferent to anything Patricia happened to say or do.

"A tragic event, you say? Do tell me about it." Irene replied with morbid curiosity, cutting vigorously into her steak as she did so.

"There was a plane crash in Iowa and they say everyone aboard was killed. They weren't just anyone either. Apparently that bespectacled singer Buddy Holly, some Mexican kid and the Big Bopper were passengers..."

Irene immediately turned to observe Patricia's reaction upon hearing the first name and just as expected, the young girl remained stoic for a moment or two before suddenly bursting into tears.

"Patricia, dear, is something wrong? Why are you crying?" John asked in concern as he watched his daughter's face redden with anguish.

"They're...they're liars...Mr Holly is still alive..."

"It was in the newspaper, darling. Why would they lie?"

"People...people like him, Daddy. He has to perform for them..." Patricia protested while her voice became shakier by the second.

"Yes, but he can't do that anymore now that he's gone. That's the way of the world sometimes..."

"No, I don't want it..."

Patricia left the table and ran out of the room to cry elsewhere. Irene cleared her throat to say something about the exchange between her husband and daughter.

"John, there's no point trying to explain things. Just let her cry..."

John's attention was diverted away from Patricia and he turned to face Irene in disbelief.

"Let her cry? If this is how our daughter reacts to someone she doesn't know, think about how it will be with someone she loves..."

"You care too much, John. I lost my  _father_  when I was younger than that and I'm perfectly alright now. It'll be the same for her, I assure you..."

* * *

Patricia received a hula hoop and a set of silk pajamas for her birthday that year, but neither made her happy now that the world seemed like a supremely unjust place. Any attempts to write in her diary simply brought back more tears and she gave up the routine for several months.

It became clear by late September however that there was more to her own sadness than just the death of someone she admired. She was approaching the age where childhood gave way to adolescence and the way Irene and John seemed indifferent to her feelings made it seem like even darker days were waiting around the corner.

Such fears began to come true shortly before Christmas, when Irene made known plans to have her start attending boarding school in the fall of 1960.

"But I don't want to go. I have friends here and-"

"Patricia, you have to understand. We're doing this because it'll give you a taste of independence and a chance to take care of yourself. Don't you want that?"

"I don't know, mother. I'm scared of a lot of things, but nobody ever understands-"

"Don't talk like that, sweetheart. You know we'd never set out to try and hurt you in any way..."


	6. The End of the World

**1962**

It was a hassle getting out of the dress that barely fit thanks to an inconvenient growth spurt, though Patricia soon remembered her mother's promise to buy new clothes and hoped that the woman would actually make good of it.

She took a moment to study her own body after undressing and the clear sign of a developing bust brought to mind how her future would be.

Irene and John would choose a respectable bachelor for her to marry once she came of age, she'd have his children then spend the better part of her life trapped in the role of homemaker, before becoming an old and fat matron despised by everyone.

 _"There must be something I can do..."_ She pondered while climbing carefully into the bathtub and lying right down so that her head was submerged entirely underwater.  _"...like saving up money and running off to another country..."_

* * *

The Caribbean and South America seemed like poor choices due to the current political climate and the less than stellar reputation those regions had in general.

It would have to be a place like Paris or Rome where she could learn the local language without much hassle and easily blend into the general population after a year or so.

_"I think I'd rather go to Paris. It always looks so glamorous and they say the people are nicer..."_

"Come on, Patricia! Join us!" A girl by the name of Ursula called out excitedly from the water, which made her aware of where she was once again.

Patricia removed her heart-shaped sunglasses and left them on the beach rug before entering the water to splash around with other fourteen year old girls.

_"...then again, it would be easier to stay hidden in Rome.. "_

* * *

She felt just like a ghost, sitting at the table in a checkered blue dress and with her hair tied in a bouncy ponytail, yet ignored completely as her parents planned a dinner party for some friends.

"Mother..." She spoke up in an attempt to gain attention, only for John to dismiss her in a single reply.

"Hush now, darling. Whatever it is can wait until we've finished."

John went back to speaking with Irene and Patricia could do nothing but frown in rage before defiantly leaving the dining room and locking herself in the bathroom.

"Patricia! Come back here now!" Irene's accusing voice sounded as the fourteen year old slumped down on the toilet seat and began to cry frightened tears at the increased level of bleeding from between her legs.

Despite something so worrying, Patricia suddenly found herself reluctant once again to tell Irene what was happening, out of fear that any sort of disease would destroy what little affection the woman happened to have for her.

_"I have to keep pretending I'm alright until I can work something out..."_

* * *

Patricia found herself inexplicably drained of energy after a mere stroll in the garden and sat down in the gazebo to get some rest, though the sound of light rainfall and birds chirping soon lulled her straight to sleep.

John found her still in a sitting position hours later, following an unsuccessful search of the house that had lead to Irene pulling apart his wardrobe in a panic.


	7. You Don't Own Me

**1963**

It seemed that Irene wanted to make amends for past wrongs by taking Patricia to a salon where she received a haircut and a stylish perm that had the effect of making her seem rather more sophisticated.

The addition of makeup resulted in Patricia looking a few years older than her actual age of fifteen, which predictably lead to some trouble when she went to the malt shop one afternoon.

An intimidating young man with a leather jacket and greased hair parked his motorcycle outside the building before marching inside as if the place was entirely his. The sight of Patricia sitting alone by a window and sipping a milkshake caught his interest.

_"Say, that's one fine looking broad. Wonder if she's lonely..."_

He strode right over and cleared his throat to get her attention. She looked nervously up from her glass as he began to speak.

"Hey, honey. Mind if I sit here?"

"Well, no...I mean-"

He interpreted her words as an affirmative reply and sat right down. Patricia shrunk a little while regretting giving such a poorly thought out answer.

"My name's Enrico, but most call me 'Rico' for short. You?"

"I'm...I'm Pattie..." Patricia muttered quietly through her teeth, wondering if playing his game was the safest way out.

"You sure look and sound tense, babe..." He said in a tone that she found difficult to recognize as concerned or mocking. "...maybe a smoke will ease your nerves?"

"I can't. I'm only fifteen..." She told the truth as he produced a lighter and box of cigarettes from his jacket pocket.

Rico burst into laughter at the seemingly absurd claim before calming down and trying to give a witty response.

"If you're fifteen, then I'm still in high school!"

He went back to laughing, which convinced Patricia that it was time to make a quick getaway. She stood up and grabbed her milkshake with the intention of finding another table, only for Rico to suddenly become hostile as he rose to block her path.

"What's the rush, honey? Somewhere you need to be?"

Breath that reeked of tobacco wafted towards Patricia's face and she forced herself to think of the most effective dissuasion possible.

"Yes, as a matter of fact. I have to meet my boyfriend for a date in ten minutes..."

"Oh..."

Rico's mouth widened a little in surprise and he soon allowed her to pass, though the damage was already done. Patricia found it difficult to relax for the remainder of her time in the malt shop and memories of the harrowing experience would trouble her for days to come.

* * *

"Mother..." Patricia murmured softly while trying to contain the feeling of horror that had arisen from finding Irene flipping through her secret diary. "...that's mine. How did you find it?"

"How? You left it on the table and I just happened to pick it up."

"You're a liar. I'm not that careless..."

Patricia rushed forward in the hope of seizing back the book before Irene reached the entries about her growing fascination with the male body, but she was too slow.

"What's this?" Irene said in a mocking voice that made Patricia whimper in despair, right before going on to read words that were meant to be seen by no one. "Sometimes I look at a boy and can't help but think about kissing him and taking his clothes off one by-"

"Stop it!" Patricia screamed, unable to tolerate anymore as she lunged straight toward Irene and dug her nails into the woman's arm in desperation. Irene winced in pain and dropped the diary, then spun around to smack her daughter hard in the face.

The force of the blow caused Patricia to stumble backwards and land ungracefully upon her bed. Tears of shock quickly clouded her vision as she forced herself to get back up and face Irene again.

"I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote that, mother. Please, forgive me..."

"Forgive you for what? Your insipid writing? I don't know why I even bothered with such garbage..."

Irene strode out of the room and left Patricia alone to retrieve her diary before holding it close to a body that was wracked by sobs.


	8. Twist and Shout

**1964**

Patricia met seventeen-year-old Reginald at her friend Ursula's birthday party and was quickly able to feel at ease with his self-effacing demeanor and horn-rimmed glasses akin to those that used to be worn by Buddy Holly. This did not go unnoticed by Ursula, whom jumped at the opportunity to force them into a closet together for a game of seven minutes in heaven.

She'd closed her eyes and eagerly awaited some kissing or touching once they were inside, only to feel deep disappointment when he revealed in a frightened voice that his glasses had fallen off.

She forced open the closet doors and located them in no time before they were carefully slipped back on to his face. He thanked her profusely while she couldn't help marveling at his bright baby blue eyes.

"You know, if this happens a lot, I could be your second pair of eyes. I think it would make life a little easier."

Reginald glanced towards her while tugging at his shirt and thinking of an answer to such a proposal.

"Well, I guess that's not a bad idea. You're awfully sweet and kind..."

The two of them dismissed all questions about their time in the closet until it was time to go. Patricia followed Reginald to his car and climbed into the seat beside him to look out for hazards that may have normally gone unnoticed.

She instructed him to let her off at least a block from home so that she could walk the rest of the way alone and avoid being seen with an older boy.

* * *

 

Hours driving together on summer afternoons and stopping at the malt shop for refreshments lead to proper dates, which eventually escalated to the intimacy Patricia had been expecting in their first meeting. They always stopped short of removing each other's clothes however and she assumed that he was just as daunted by the next step as her.

Exciting news came in August when Reginald let her know during a date that his father had come into possession of two Beatles concert tickets.

"It'll be a perfect chance for just us two to have fun for a whole day..." He explained, unable to keep a straight face while presenting them proudly to her.

"But Reggie, there's one problem..." Patricia replied as her joy rapidly gave way to worry.

"What?"

"We'll have to tell our parents."

"That won't be a problem. My Dad _wants_ me to take a girl along."

"My parents aren't like yours, Reggie. If I'm not home by eight o'clock, my mother will..."

"Then tell them you're attending a sleepover. Isn't that what you do with your friends?"

Patricia considered his advice and eventually reached the conclusion that her absence could very well go unnoticed if she planned things out adequately.

"You're right. I might not get a chance like this ever again, so I can't just chicken out..."

* * *

 

The trip across the city was the furthest Patricia had ever traveled from home without her parents. The realization made her giddy with both fear and excitement and she expressed it by glancing around with mouth ajar.

"Easy there. It's like you've never seen the city before."

"I'm really sorry, Reggie. I just don't know how to behave right now."

"What do you mean?"

"I've never done anything as big as this. I feel like I'm one step closer to freedom..."

Reginald adjusted his glasses and gave her a look of sympathy before focusing again on the busy road.

"So, what do people usually do at rock and roll concerts?" Patricia asked with a clueless expression that only made him feel sadder for her.

"Scream and shout and pull at their own hair, I think. That's why you should save the excitement until we're actually there."

"Oh, I guess I understand now. I've only ever been to the theater with my parents..."

* * *

 

The concert that they had both been so keen to attend turned out to far less enjoyable than envisioned. It was a struggle to simply get into the venue and find their seats, let alone hear any music over the sound of countless other screaming fans.

"That...really wasn't a nice experience at all. Maybe we're better off seeing it on television..."

Patricia nodded tiredly in agreement right before he took off away from the sidewalk. She leaned her head against the window to gaze out at night lights and picture an impatient Irene waiting up for her to return.


	9. (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction

**1965**

Reginald underwent surgery to correct his vision early in the year and celebrated its success by discarding his glasses permanently. Patricia felt quite disappointed to see them go, for it seemed like he just wasn't the same person without them.

Ongoing dates made it clear that her fears were unfounded, as he proved himself once again to be the sweet and goofy boy she'd fallen for. She smiled in bliss at the realization, before reaching out to hold his hand and dreaming about a pleasant future together.

Such dreams were shattered shortly after his graduation when he was drafted for service in Vietnam and cursed the timing of his operation.

He did all he could to obtain an educational deferment, but was forced to deliver the final bad news to Patricia when his attempts were unsuccessful.

"I... I'm only eighteen. I shouldn't be going to war and risking my life..." He muttered shakily while glancing away from his crying girlfriend. "The only other thing I can do now is leave this country..."

"Leave? To where?" Patricia asked pleadingly, refusing to accept the idea of not seeing him again.

"My Dad says Canada. They don't have the draft there..."

Patricia remained where she was for a long while and quietly came to terms with the whole situation. Eventually, she was able to wipe away the tears and speak calmly to him again.

"We'll write to each other, won't we?"

"No, we can't. Someone might see my name and track me down..."

* * *

Reginald was gone completely from her life within a month and at the nagging suggestion of friends, Patricia accepted the advances of Billy, a rough and brutish boy who seemed to be overly fond of his varsity jacket.

She introduced him to Irene, knowing that he was just the sort of male her mother would approve of before going on the first date.

It didn't take long at all to figure out what he wanted in a girl, though the hard part was forcing herself to become that person.

She laughed at his jokes, supported everything he did regardless of whether she thought it right or wrong and was amorous around him while also being demure in the presence of his friends.

He rewarded such behavior by showing her off at parties so that everyone could marvel at what a pretty and submissive girlfriend she was. Once that was over, she would remain close as he gravitated towards other boys and nod at his words while staring vacantly into the distance.

One evening led to him becoming especially drunk and he demanded sex as they sat together in the car. She obliged by climbing into the backseat and hurriedly taking off her dress, before waiting for him to crawl over and have his way.

She collapsed on her bed in tears upon arriving home later that night and couldn't shake the feeling of being hurt and used.

* * *

Irene convinced her friend whom managed a department store to take Patricia on as a catalogue model for a short period of time.

Patricia agreed due to the promise of a decent wage and traveled to the store on the first day with Irene accompanying her. She met her mother's friend and was soon ushered away by wardrobe assistants so that the two adults could converse in peace.

The temporary fun of being photographed in expensive Parisian styles was followed by Irene congratulating her poise before pocketing the very money she'd been waiting for.

"I can't trust you with it at this point." Irene replied calmly upon being questioned. "If you want anything, just ask me or your father."

Patricia bit her lip to avoid swearing at her mother in anger, then quickened her pace while making a sincere request.

"Mother, could we at least buy some of the clothes I wore? They looked so good on me..."

* * *

Patricia strutted triumphantly out of an upscale boutique one day in late November, feeling quite proud of herself for convincing John to finally hand over her earnings so that she could go on a shopping spree in the city.

She climbed happily into the driver's seat after loading her purchases into the trunk of Irene's car and started the engine.

She turned the steering wheel rather sharply to leave her parking spot, only to realize she'd failed to look out for afternoon traffic when she scraped right against two other cars stationed nearby.

The ghastly noise prompted her to immediately brake in fear and unwittingly block the path of other drivers, whom began impatiently sounding their horns. She panicked and moved her foot back toward the gas before noticing the angry middle-aged man storming over.

"Get out of your car right now, miss!" He yelled while tapping furiously against the glass. "Don't think you can run!"


	10. You Can't Hurry Love

**1966**

Tony was sure he'd never see his sister Sophia in the same way again, now that she'd announced her engagement to a longstanding suitor.

The resulting emotional roller coaster affected his parents for over a month before they became attentive to his needs and wants once again, though it came with a catch.

He was interrupted twice in one evening while trying to enjoy  _Lolita_ by Vladimir Nabokov. His father had entered the room first to make known without any subtlety, that he was expected to find himself a nice Italian girl to court soon, otherwise a choice would be made without his input.

He'd begrudgingly agreed to such conditions and gone back to reading, only to be disrupted no less than half an hour later by his mother.

"Antonio..." She began, addressing him by his birth name and slipping into their native tongue. "How about we introduce you to that Amato girl?"

"Mom, I've already met her..." Tony answered while placing his book aside in frustration. "She doesn't like me."

"But you are such a sweet boy!"

"We just don't get along, that's all."

"What about Dolores? She says that you are very handsome..."

"Mom, I'm not interested." Tony replied tersely, making firm eye contact with his mother and wishing she'd leave him alone. "Please, let me go to college before making me decide?"

"Suit yourself. The years will pass and you'll regret ignoring my advice."

* * *

Patricia felt the most elegant she had in ages in her white debutante dress while being guided by John and eventually introduced to a young man named Charlie.

Charlie had blond hair, blue eyes, a radiant smile and a strong resemblance to actor Robert Redford. Patricia allowed him to escort her outside for a stroll and despite being impressed by his movie star looks, soon realized from his stiffness that he was under as much pressure as she was.

"Charlie..." She whispered pleadingly, staring up at him as she lost her self-control and felt unable to pretend anymore. "Lie in the grass with me. It'll be fun..."

"What?"

"Just do as I do, please?"

She took a step back and unpinned her hair, letting it fall loose before throwing herself straight upon the damp ground and rolling around without a care for the consequences.

"Come on, Charlie! Don't just stand there!"

He continued to stare blankly for a few more seconds, then relented by messing up his impeccably styled hair and getting down beside her.

"Are...are you planning what I think you're planning?"

"I sure am!"

The two of them linked hands and headed back inside after the thrill had faded, though the reactions of other guests to their disheveled appearances proved quite satisfying.

Patricia grinned in victory as people whispered in shock around her and a confused John strode forward while demanding to know what was going on.

* * *

Tony had decided that he would study to become a teacher, solely due to remarks neighbors made about how his patience with their children would make him a good father one day.

He had a feeling it was all empty talk however, for he'd never really had to deal with a bawling infant or temperamental toddler.

Anyhow, he swore to himself on the first day of college that teaching was something he'd do for no more than ten years before moving on to something else and hopefully finding a woman he'd love along the way.

He did not foresee at all that the latter would happen far sooner than anticipated, at some party he'd been pressured to attend by roommate Donald Lombardi.

She was one of the most stylish girls he'd ever seen, with her go-go boots and boldly colored dress that showed off long and shapely legs.

He had to remind himself that it was rude to stare and tried looking elsewhere, only to find that he simply couldn't take his eyes away from such a lovely specimen of a girl.

* * *

Patricia felt a single lingering gaze upon her as she evaded other students in search of a drink. She stopped to find out whom was watching and scanned the room until she noticed the young man sitting at a table all alone.

He was attractive in a boyish way, though his olive complexion and dark hair convinced her that he was a foreigner of some sort. She approached with curiosity while remembering what Irene used to tell her about Southern European and Hispanic folk.

"Excuse me..." She began loudly and clearly so that he'd hopefully understand. "I've noticed you staring. Is there something wrong with me right now?"

His expression instantly softened into what appeared to be a look of bliss before he opened his mouth to respond. She noticed how sensual his lips looked as he spoke.

"No, never..." He said quietly in perfect English. "You're incredible..."


	11. Gimme Little Sign

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this chapter comes across as being too sappy, please let me know.

**1967**

_Tony's kisses were warm and tender as Patricia slid her fingers along his back and felt his body move against her's. They left her wanting more and she gave a sigh when he pulled away._

_"Please, don't leave. Stay with me tonight..." She begged while marveling at the way the light from the fireplace reflected in his eyes, giving them an alluring glow._

_"I will..." He whispered softly before cupping her face in his hands and leaning in once again. Patricia's pleasure steadily rose as the sound of crackling wood filled what would have otherwise been disheartening silence._

* * *

"Patricia. Patricia, wake up! You'll be late..."

Patricia opened her eyes upon hearing the urgent voice of Ingrid, a roommate who tended to be rather pensive and dour. Such a personality sometimes filled others with concern, though Ingrid attributed it to her Swedish background and modest upbringing.

Restrictive parents were something the two of them had in common and as a result, they'd become casual friends within a week of meeting each other. Patricia had recently found herself confiding in Ingrid more about personal matters and in exchange, the other girl sometimes sought help with the English language.

"I know, Ingrid. Could you let me get dressed, please?"

"Of course."

Ingrid scurried into the next room immediately to allow her some privacy. Patricia reluctantly rose into a sitting position and stretched both arms while dreading the cold weather outside.

It occurred to her after putting on an entirely different ensemble from the previous day, that most of the people she'd met in college were more considerate of her needs than Irene and John had ever been.

Perhaps a notable example was that mild-mannered boy Tony. He had been offering to carry books for her each time they met and though she used to appreciate the chivalry, she now felt conflicted after having such a torrid dream about him.

It was clear that she'd be defying all of her parents' expectations and discarding poor Charlie by acting on her emotions, yet she simply couldn't stand to be their puppet any longer.

She decided while accompanying Ingrid to class that she'd use Tony as a means of defying them. She'd wait for him to make an advance and if after a month, things between them were still the same, it would be up to her to take the initiative.

* * *

 _"Patricia..."_ Tony repeated in his mind while trying to get comfortable on a hard bed some time after midnight. He would no doubt be exhausted when the sun rose but the thought of seeing her again made it all seem worthwhile.

She inhabited his dreams as a sweet-voiced angel with exquisitely soft skin that just begged for his touch. He wondered how it would feel to hold her close while she sighed his name and it was enough to make him surrender to sleep so that the fantasy would continue.

He understood at long last upon waking hours later, what it must have been like for Dolores, chasing after him in high school only to be met each time by his obvious disinterest.

Now, he was the one hopelessly in love and finding any opportunity to be close to his object of interest, regardless of how she really felt about him. The realization filled him with shame and he knew it was time to start keeping his distance even if it seemed like the most difficult thing in the world.

 _"There's a hundred more of her where she comes from._ _She'll only ever see you as the boy who tried too hard..."_

He waited for Don to finish in the bathroom while persistently reminding himself that she was out of his league and being with her was an impossible dream.

* * *

Ingrid would have loudly scoffed at Patricia before making the other girl do such a thing herself, if she was a bolder person. Unfortunately, she had instead been her usual meek self and agreed to deliver the written message to a boy on her friend's behalf.

 _"I'm a student, not an errand girl..."_ She thought in irritation upon arriving at the right dormitory, before bracing herself for the unease she always felt around men who weren't her father.

The near absence of others out in the hallways filled Ingrid with relief as she eventually reached the room that Patricia had told her to find.

She knocked three times and the door was soon opened by an annoyed young man with auburn hair.

"I'm Don. You are...?" He said restlessly while obscuring almost everything that was happening behind him.

"Ingrid. My friend Patricia wants me to give this message to Tony."

She held out the folded piece of paper as proof and Don immediately turned around to call the young man's name.

"Tony! There's a girl here with news from your  _true love._ "

"Oh, shut up."

"I mean it!"

"Patricia?"

"Yes!"

"Alright, I'm coming..."

Loud footsteps sounded before Tony came into sight and Don stepped away to give him room. Ingrid swallowed while thinking to herself that he was just the sort of boy Patricia would find attractive.

She gave him the note and he carefully unfolded it in front of her. His eyes widened in awe upon reading it and Ingrid thought he looked like someone who had just won the lottery.


	12. You Only Live Twice

Tony rushing ahead to open the car door after a date, despite her clearly being able to do it herself was what finally convinced Patricia that the chivalry was beginning to overstay it's welcome.

"Tony, I was standing right there. You don't have to open every _single_ door for me..." She explained, trying to sound grateful while sitting down beside him. "Let me take care of myself once in a while."

He let go of the keys after sticking them in the ignition and turned to look at her in silence for several moments before apologizing in embarrassment.

"Sorry, I guess I can be overwhelming at times. But I can't help it, my parents have been drilling it into me since I was a kid."

Patricia smiled at the mental picture of Tony holding doors open for the overbearing old Italian woman she imagined his mother to be, but she soon remembered her goal and persisted with it.

"Well, I'm not your mother, am I?"

"No, of course not." He replied sheepishly. "It's...it's just that I _love_ you, Patricia. How else do you want me to show it?"

Patricia swallowed and studied the pleading look in his eyes. She had a feeling he'd willingly throw himself in front of a train for her sake and the idea of it was too much to bear, for having an innocent life in her hands was the last thing she wanted.

At the same time, it was also clear that he was signalling for her to make a move in the most tactful way possible. She was more than happy to comply because of how well he maintained his appearance and her wish to finally put a damper on his excessive level of devotion.

"The old-fashioned way..." She shifted forward to whisper in his ear. "...and I'm not talking last century."

It took Tony a few seconds to understand before he leaned in to kiss her for the first time. His lips were as soft as she'd imagined and the way they brushed lightly against her's left a fluttering sensation deep in her chest.

He pulled away to observe her reaction and she felt a little dismayed at how quickly it was over. It became apparent that he was still very much a novice when it came to romantic displays of affection, so she took it upon herself to help bring him up to speed.

"Is this the first time you've kissed a girl?" She asked in curiosity.

"Not really. Why do you ask?" He replied as his cheeks turned slightly red.

"You're going to need more practice. We could go someplace nice and quiet, so we won't be disturbed..."

"Really? Because there's an extra room in our dorm now that Art's in the hospital with a broken leg..."

"A broken leg?"

"He fell down some stairs, apparently."

"Oh. Let's go then, we're losing time..."

* * *

_"You're so beautiful..."_

The tender way Tony had said those words were still fresh in Patricia's mind when she woke up and blinked at the morning light. She could feel his presence beside her and it brought back all sorts of memories: his chaste kisses becoming less so as they grew accustomed to each other's touch; letting him slip off her dress before she began unbuttoning his shirt; and caressing skin that was as smooth as her own.

She rolled her head to observe his sleeping form and associate what she saw with the sensations felt in the darkness hours before. His shirt must have fallen off during the night, for his bare torso was now completely visible to her.

It was only natural that his shoulders would be broader than her's, though his body was nowhere near as bulky as that of Billy the football player. What muscle he did have was quite lean and she guessed that he'd acquired it mostly from outdoor work and low-impact activities.

This observation was quite pleasing to her, for she often found large musclebound bodies to be rather hideous. It was like such men were composed more of rock than flesh and she felt that the methods used to achieve those so-called ideals only corrupted what nature had given them.

The sight of Tony's peaceful face was enough to take her mind away from it's previous line of thought. His boyish charm was even more evident in a state of relaxed slumber and the way his once neat hair was now disheveled enough to cover his forehead only made him more gorgeous.

She began to slip off the bed with the intention of leaving him alone and going about the rest of her day with other girls, but the door to the room abruptly swung open before she could do so.

"Hey, Tony..." Don spoke up as he barged right in and noticed her sitting beside his shirtless roommate. "...what on earth? When did you get here?!"

It took a couple of seconds for Patricia to remember that she was completely naked save for the panties she'd been wearing underneath her dress. With a shriek of horror, she immediately raised both arms to preserve her modesty before screaming at Don to leave the room.

Tony was woken up by the racket and he promptly sat up in alarm to ask her what was going on, while finding in relief that the belt around his trousers was still buckled properly.

"Your...your roommate just saw me!" She confessed, turning to face him in a panic. "What am I going to do now?!"

"Patricia, just relax. Did he stare?" Tony spoke up as he placed a hand upon her shoulder in reassurance.

"No. I told him to leave straight away..."

"Then he hardly saw anything. Don has a short memory, so he'll have forgotten it already by the time you get dressed."


	13. Let's Live For Today

_The only concerns on Patricia's mind as she ambled alone through the lovely garden were  finding shelter, as well as some clothes to wear for the sake of decency._

_She couldn't remember how she had ended up naked like Eve in the Book of Genesis and despite all common sense, wondered for a moment where her Adam could be found._

_A rustling noise startled her and she froze warily before the newcomer stepped into view._

_It was none other than Tony, dressed in a toga and wearing a laurel wreath around his head, just like an illustration she'd seen as a child of the god Apollo. Rays of sunlight shone down and made him look rather ethereal._

_Patricia's immediate instinct was to hide as much of her nude body as possible. She positioned her hair so that it obscured her chest, then ducked behind the nearest tree while glancing around for something to cover her privates._

_Tony seemed oblivious to her absence of clothing, as he stared innocently up at a branch that bore several bright red apples, before picking one at random._

_"Doesn't it look ripe and juicy?" He asked with some suggestiveness in his voice while holding it out for her to see. "Would you like to try it?"_

_"No, I can't..." Patricia replied in embarrassment. "I'm not in the mood right now..."_

_"Are you sure?"_

_"Yes!"_

_Tony gave her a look of understanding before he withdrew his hand._

_"I'll be around if you ever change your mind. Just wait for me in this same place..."_

_He took a step back then abruptly vanished, leaving Patricia to question what had just happened._

_She regained the courage to continue exploring a while later and eventually arrived back at the side of the equally nude Charlie, whom she realized was supposed to be her mate.  
_

* * *

Patricia awoke to find herself in bed and back at her parents' house, having returned home for the summer after the quarter ended. The morning sun shone brightly through the drawn curtains and made her feel quite warm as she sat up to ponder the meaning of her dream.

It seemed rather blasphemous to imagine herself as a biblical figure; notwithstanding the fact that Tony had appeared as an Ancient Roman deity and offered the proverbial forbidden fruit. The sequence of events hardly made sense either, for she knew with certainty that Eve did not become aware of her own nakedness until after eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

Her mother Irene's voice sounded from outside the door and Patricia hurriedly crossed the room to get dressed. She made sure to leave a note for herself afterwards, so that she would remember to investigate later.

Charlie and his parents visited in the evening for dinner, at which point she could only wonder how much the appearance of his naked form in her dream resembled the real thing. There was just one way to find out for sure, though the fit of his suit suggested he was quite athletic and muscular.

He was probably a paragon of male beauty for many girls her age and Patricia tried to convince herself that she was lucky, yet her mind drifted toward memories of Tony's softer features and how it felt when his lips pressed against her's.

If former boyfriend Billy had made her aware of anything, it was that she felt safer around someone who was gentle and willing to bide their time when it came to relationships. The way Tony had touched her during their only night together seemed to indicate that he was such a person and the meaning of her dream quickly became clear.

She made eye contact with Irene from across the table and wondered if she was willing to risk following her own desires rather than what others so vehemently wanted her to do.

Charlie smiled in her direction while being none the wiser about the dilemma she faced.

* * *

She stashed a package containing some of Irene's birth control pills among her belongings shortly before heading back to college in fall. It turned out when she encountered Tony again that he had abandoned the pomade that made his hair look slick in lieu of letting it return to it's natural state.

It was strange to know that the way he used to look was in fact the result of much preening, yet Patricia soon found herself feeling just as pleased by his more casual appearance.

The reasons he gave when she asked were perhaps quite expected.

"I guess I wanted to catch up with the times. Things are changing and hair grease is out of style now, isn't it?"

"Well, I believe so..." She replied while remembering the greaser Rico whom she'd encountered at the local malt shop just four years prior. "It's something only older men still seem to use..."

"You should have seen my mother when I left looking like this. She tried to make me go back inside because she thought I looked like a homeless boy. Thank God my sister was there to take my side..."

"I see..." Patricia said in response before realizing that this was only the second time Tony had brought up his sister in conversation. "...what's her name again?"

"Who? My sister or my Mom?"

"Your sister."

"Oh, her name's Sophia. She's the second most fashionable person I know and more stylish than I could ever hope to be. Then again, she has a job and it also helps to be engaged to someone who's older and richer than you..."

Tony stopped to catch his breath while fearing that prattling on about his own life was rather self-centered. As such, he turned to Patricia and changed the subject by asking her how she'd spent the summer.

"Oh, it was everything you'd expect with a girl like me. I went out once in a while with my parents and had to listen to them lecturing, but other than that, I spent most of my time at home..."

She finished talking with a smile just in time for their paths to diverge. Tony offered to meet her again later and she agreed before he went off on his own.

The first thing that became clear once he was gone was that he hadn't made any attempt to help carry her luggage like in the past. The second thing was that she still felt far from ready to reveal the truth about her family situation and it made her wonder if she'd ever be brave enough to do so.

She grasped the handle of her suitcase tightly and thought of the pills hidden inside before making the rest of the journey to her dorm.


	14. Light My Fire

Irene left her husband John and headed to the bathroom while it was still dark outside. She followed her early morning beauty routine more rigorously now that she was forty-five and wrinkles were beginning to form on her face.

She envied her daughter Patricia for effortlessly achieving a level of prettiness that she'd always had to work quite hard to reach. It made her desperate to find out what the girl's secret was, though she had a feeling the nineteen-year-old would be too clueless to give any definite answers.

_"It was a mistake to send that little fool to college. Girls like her only distract men and end up having at least an affair or two..."_

It filled Irene with perverse curiosity to imagine the sort of boys Patricia would attract and vice versa, a notion that was given credibility when she counted her birth control pills and realized a good portion of them had somehow gone missing.

"The tramp!" She exclaimed while knowing that there could only be one person responsible.

* * *

"So, when was the last time you drove, exactly?" Tony asked as he observed the way Patricia sat after they'd switched places in the car.

"When I was seventeen..." She answered hesitantly without taking her eyes away from the windshield.

"Two years ago, right? What happened then?"

Patricia turned to stare at him while feeling uncomfortable about recounting past mishaps. However, the impartiality that was evident on his face and in his voice soon eased her enough for the words to begin tumbling out.

"I... I'd been out shopping and was in a rush to get home, so I wasn't even looking when I pulled out of the parking spot. I scraped against two other cars on the other side and there was this man who came to yell at me. He made me get out, so he could call the police, then they called my parents..."

"And they banned you from using the car again?" Tony questioned in sympathy, reaching out to lay his hand upon Patricia's wrist. She felt an intense warmth rush up her arm as a result of his touch.

"They were really disappointed, so I guess you could say that. But then again, I grew just as afraid of myself as I was of them..."

"Hey, don't be so harsh on yourself. That was just one time..."

"What do you mean? I'd been-"

"You were still learning. Beginners make mistakes."

Tony briefly felt ashamed of himself for quoting a particularly understanding teacher he'd known in high school, though he pushed the feeling aside when Patricia replied.

"I could have killed someone that day..."

"But you didn't. I think that says a lot."

Patricia turned away and took a deep breath before starting the engine.

"Okay. I'll...give it another try."

"It's going to be fine. Just be on the lookout while I give you directions. I'll try to let you know if something's wrong..."

"You'll try?"

"Hey, I'm human too..."

She pressed lightly on the gas and pulled away from the sidewalk, only to realize that she'd forgotten to indicate. Another driver honked loudly, and Tony cried out in alarm.

"Never mind that..." He forced himself to say in reassurance upon calming down. "You're doing fine..."

* * *

They sat together in the car while watching _Bonnie and Clyde_ at the drive-in. Tony looked away from the screen in shame at the first glimpse of nudity and instead focused on Patricia's gamine face, though she paid too much attention to the film to be aware of his eyes upon her.

He resumed watching once Bonnie was dressed again, then wondered why the sexual tension between the leads daunted him after what he'd recently experienced. Perhaps he was afraid that his relationship with Patricia could be exposed any day and the scene had somehow brought the fear back to the surface.

A shootout depicted later in the movie put them both on the edge of their seats. Neither of them had ever seen violence of that level on the big screen and Tony found himself feeling a strange sense of release while witnessing gunfire and bloodshed.

He wondered if Patricia was experiencing anything remotely similar as minutes went by and the movie reached it's brutal, unflinching climax. He reached out to grasp Patricia's hand without knowing as Bonnie and Clyde were relentlessly gunned down, signalling the end of their reckless young lives.

"Patricia, I..." He began upon realizing what he'd done, only to have second thoughts about the words that had entered his mind.

"What, Tony?" Patricia asked while her wide eyes indicated that she was quite shaken by how the film had ended.

"Never mind. It's getting late and we should leave..."

"You're right. Should I drive?"

"No, let me. You deserve a break..."

Patricia got out of the driver's seat and allowed Tony to reclaim control of the vehicle before she tried to make herself comfortable beside him. She remembered the pill she'd taken that morning and pondered whether he felt as ready as she did.

* * *

Tony prepared to leave once he'd walked her to the door, though she wasn't about to let him go so quickly.

She stepped forward to grab his arm and he stopped in confusion.

"Patricia?"

"Tony, I..." She murmured before opting for a different approach. "You haven't kissed me tonight."

"Oh, dear..."

He placed both hands upon Patricia's shoulders and she pressed herself against the wall for support before he leaned forward. She wrapped her arms around his waist and imagined doing the same with her legs, while hoping that his tongue pressing softly against her upper lip would lead to something more.

"I need you..." She pleaded once he'd pulled away. "Take me back to your place..."

Tony let go of her shoulders and regarded her with surprise.

"You sure about that? I've never..."

"Neither have I..." Patricia lied, deciding quickly that her night in the car with Billy hardly amounted to anything and thus, she was no more sexually experienced than the one she'd fallen for over the past year.

Tony wordlessly showed accord by taking her hand so that they could walk back the way they'd come and eventually arrive at his dorm.


	15. Hello Goodbye

"Patricia..." Tony uttered breathlessly after falling on his back to get some rest during their third night together. "...are you real?"

The question surprised Patricia and she stopped just short of allowing her head to fall against his shoulder.

"Of course I am..." She could only reply in amusement whilst trying to foresee what he would say next. "It's been a whole year..."

He switched on the bedside lamp to get a clear look at her face, before speaking again.

"I know, but it's just that...you're one of the nicest girls I've ever met. And you're beautiful. Everywhere."

Patricia couldn't help but blush at such words, for she knew exactly what part of her body he was alluding to. She opened her mouth to say something that would hopefully embarrass him a little as well.

"Why, thank you. You're not bad down there either..."

The lamp was switched off immediately and Patricia wasn't sure whether to regret her comeback, as she heard Tony walk unsteadily toward the bathroom. She resigned herself to waiting for him to finish, while wondering how long their relationship was fated to last.

It gave her a growing sense of dread and she had to take a deep breath to make herself relax.

* * *

"Why didn't you tell me where you were going last night? I was worried..."

It made Patricia rather anxious to see the stern look in Ingrid's eyes and it took all of her courage to speak up in response.

"I was with Tony, just like last week. It's nothing..."

"Nothing?" Ingrid replied, lowering her voice to a whisper as she opened the door wider to allow Patricia back inside. "Why don't you think about me more often?"

Patricia was reminded of her mother's controlling nature. She stopped in her tracks and turned to look at the blonde in disbelief. Icy blue eyes glared back at her sullenly.

"I do care about you, Ingrid. But I need to have a life outside of this dorm. I can't be happy staying here all the time, the way you do..."

Ingrid's expression only grew more stern. Patricia swallowed fearfully.

"What...what makes you think I enjoy being alone? I wish I could have your company too..."

Patricia sighed in relief. It seemed like her roommate didn't have unscrupulous intentions after all, though the other girl's behavior still aroused her suspicion.

"Ingrid, are you jealous?" She couldn't help but ask while the blonde sat down wearily.

Ingrid shook her head without making eye contact, then said something that would leave Patricia puzzled for a long time to come.

"I'm so sorry. I...I just never thought that I could feel this way about someone..."

"What do you mean? You just said that you weren't-"

"Please, forget it. It's my time of the month and I'm not thinking properly..."

"Ingrid..."

"It's alright. I can't tell you who to fall in love with."

Ingrid stood up from her seat and went to seek refuge in the bathroom before Patricia could think of anything further to say. Silence fell and a glance at the calendar on the wall reminded Patricia that only a few days remained until Christmas vacation.

She'd soon be returning home to spend time with her parents and with it would come more of their expectations. It made no difference that she was going to be twenty years old in a couple of months. To them, she would always be a wayward child incapable of making wise decisions.

A part of her feared that they were right. If anything, dating a boy like Tony was clear evidence of it. There wasn't much he could offer her in marriage besides his love and a loud Italian family. And even then, there was no way of knowing whether his feelings would last long enough for it to be a possibility.

She looked behind herself at the locked bathroom door and could only guess that despite Ingrid claiming otherwise, the blonde was indeed envious of what she had.

_"Maybe I am a selfish brat, after all. I only make things difficult for everyone by putting myself first..."_

She shut her eyes for a moment to compose herself, before entering the bedroom to start deciding what she'd be taking home.


	16. I Can See For Miles

"Are you okay? Is there something you want to talk to me about?" Ingrid had to ask when she noticed Patricia's dejected expression and wondered if it had something to do with her earlier outburst.

Patricia looked up from her cup of coffee and made eye contact. She still didn't know much about the other girl, yet if there was anybody who could help at the moment, it was her roommate. As such, she forced herself to go ahead and express her concerns.

"I'm not sure about going back to my parents after the things I've experienced this year. I don't think I'd cope anymore with the way they treat me..." She explained while choosing not to disclose the fact that she'd stolen her mother's pills.

"What do you mean?" Ingrid asked in sympathy as she gave her full attention.

"They treat me like a child. You should see my mother, she still scolds or hits me for the smallest things..."

"Like what?"

"My hair and clothes..." Patricia admitted with some hesitation. "Think of it this way. If she saw me dressed like this right now, she'd throw a fit."

She stood up so that Ingrid could get a full view of her clothes. The latter simply blinked in confusion.

"I don't understand. What's wrong?" Ingrid replied, letting her eyes wander down to the hem of Patricia's skirt.

Patricia craned her neck to the side and tugged at the loose thread situated on the shoulder area of her coat, hoping that Ingrid would notice.

"This is all it would take for her to demand that I change..."

"Oh..." Ingrid said, finally understanding but still not quite swayed. "Well, if that's true, you can talk to me about it. Do you have a pen?"

"I might. Let me see..."

Patricia reached down for her handbag and searched inside to little avail.

"I'm sorry. I must have left it back in my room..."

Ingrid remained unperturbed.

"It's alright. I'll write down my number and address for you when we get back."

"Thank you, Ingrid."

They didn't exchange words again for the remainder of their time in the cafe. Ingrid paid for their drinks without raising any discussion, before they left to return to campus.

The sight of a familiar white Cadillac parked about a block away from the main gates was cause enough for Patricia to stop in disbelief. She noticed the figure seated behind the wheel and there was no mistaking their immaculate blond hair.

"Charlie?" She uttered as Ingrid reached her side.

* * *

Tony made up his mind to see Patricia again once he'd finished packing. She was the girl he felt happiest with and the idea of being with her forever didn't seem daunting when she'd never once looked anything less than perfect.

He remembered the way she had responded to his touch with breathy sighs and the feel of her soft skin when they became one. He knew that he'd do anything to make it possible every night, regardless of whether she was the sort of girl his parents would want to meet.

He thought about what to say to her while hurrying across campus and imagining how she might react to him coming over unannounced.

If past experiences were any indication, she'd be delighted rather than dismayed by such an occurrence, so he persistently climbed the stairs leading up to her dorm.

_"Damn you, stairs."_

He reached the door and gave a knock before waiting. The knob began to turn and his heart sank when Ingrid revealed her face instead.

"Tony, why are you here?"

"I should ask you that. Where's Patricia?"

Ingrid averted her eyes in guilt while wondering if she was really up to the task of telling him the truth. There was the possibility that her words might be misunderstood and he would react badly, yet as she thought deeper, it became clear that the outcome would be much worse if she kept quiet.

"What's going on? Is something wrong?"

"Yes." Ingrid answered without any further hesitation. "It's Patricia. She's in a worse position than you or I could have assumed..."

"What? What do you mean?" Tony begged to know as he lost his patience and felt tempted to push past Ingrid. "Is she in there or not?!"

"No!" Ingrid yelled back, causing him to flinch in response to the increased volume of her voice. "She's gone. Another boy came to take her home himself."

Tony's eyes grew wider as a sick feeling rose up in his stomach.

"Another boy? Please tell me you're lying..."

"I'm not. It's more complicated than you think, so I suggest you have a drink before I tell you everything..."

* * *

 

"I think I should warn you..." Charlie spoke up affably upon bringing the car to a stop at a red light and turning to face Patricia. "The last time I saw your parents, they weren't very happy with you, or each other..."

The sunglasses he wore made it difficult to interpret his smile as kind or cruel, something which left Patricia feeling uneasy as she came to terms with the news. She could guess what her parents were upset about and greatly feared the possible outcome.

"Charlie?" She said quietly in the hope that he'd treat her with sympathy.

"Yes, what is it, cuz?"

"Could you be around when I meet them again? If it isn't too much trouble?"

He turned his attention back to the road ahead and she thought for a moment that he was indifferent to her feelings.

"Of course I can. I'm still on your side, you know that."

The traffic light turned green and he stepped on the gas without saying another word. Patricia leaned against her seat and glanced out through the window, knowing that she may just have broken her parents' trust for good.


End file.
